How do you handle rejection?
If you're like me, you'd respond with "poorly and personally, " but there's a better way. Rejection sucks, but it's a part of life, and you should be prepared for it. That's why in this episode, I'm giving you 7 ways you can deal with rejection that will help you take the sting out of it, learn from it, and get over it.
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Order Soundtracks, Jon's newest book available wherever you find quality books!
How do you handle rejection?
If you're like me, you'd respond with "poorly and personally, " but there's a better way. Rejection sucks, but it's a part of life, and you should be prepared for it. That's why in this episode, I'm giving you 7 ways you can deal with rejection that will help you take the sting out of it, learn from it, and get over it.
Follow Jon on Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, and Facebook.
Order Soundtracks, Jon's newest book available wherever you find quality books!
Hey, it's Jon Acuff, and welcome to the All It Takes Is A Goal podcast, the best place in the entire world, including all of Canada to learn how to build new thoughts, new actions and new results. Today, I'm going to teach you seven ways to deal with rejection. Have you ever have you ever been rejected before? I have, and it is not fun. not fun at all. But don't worry. Next time it happens, you'll be ready even if you only do like one of the things I recommend. But first, today's episode is sponsored by Medi-Share. Have you guys ever had buyer's remorse? You know that feeling of intense regret because the thing you thought you just had to have was only something used once or twice? For me it was the time I bought a really expensive road bike because I thought I was going to get into cycling. I proceeded to hang it on the wall in my garage and feel ashamed for six months. Well, I know some of you are experiencing buyer's remorse right now for something much more frustrating. You know what I'm talking about. It's the healthcare you rushed to get during open enrollment last December. Well, I have some good news for you. You've probably heard me talking about our main sponsor for this podcast, Medi-Share. And these guys have the answer to healthcare buyer's remorse. Check this out, members of Medi-Share save up to 50% or more per month on their health care costs. They say the typical family saves up to $500 per month. And here's the best part, you can become a member at any time. So that means it isn't too late to ditch your buyer's remorse and switch to a more affordable health care that will save you money and help you sleep better at night. If this is your first time you're hearing about Medi-Share, it is the best alternative to health insurance that allows you to share the burden of medical bills, offers access to 900,000 plus health care providers, and has a proven 25 year track record. Plus in addition to saving hundreds per month, as a member of Medi-Share, you will also have access to free telehealth and free telecounseling. You won't find that with any traditional health insurance provider. Guys, it only takes two minutes to see how much you could save. Go investigate that for yourself and your family at Medi-Share.com/Jon. That's Medi-Share.com/Jon. Remember Jon doesn't have an H in it. So it's a M-E-D-I, that's Medi, share, S-H-A-R-E dot com slash J-O-N. Alright, let's talk a little about some rejection. Recently, while I was on a podcast, I was being interviewed, and the host said "Hey, how do you deal with rejection, Jon?" And I said immediately, this was my answer,"Poorly and personally. And then it was quiet because I think they were looking for a longer, more eloquent answer. But that is the honest one. I know there are some other motivational folks who say things like "I don't fail, I just learn" or"Rejection is an education," but that is not me. At least not at first. Like I eventually get there. I do. I eventually learn from the struggle. One of the soundtracks that I like to say, and remember, a soundtrack is just my phrase for a repetitive thought, one of the soundtracks I like to say is that it'll either be a success, or a story. Like it's going to work or I'm going to get a story out of it. But with rejection, it takes me a little while to get there. Because rejection sucks. I don't know anyone who likes it, who's like, "Oh, just give me more rejection." But it's going, it's going to happen. I mean, to all of us. A lot. In small ways, in big ways, in medium ways. So I thought some more about that question. And because I like lists, I came up with seven ways to deal with rejection. Now, let me just start with a quick disclaimer. I don't do all of these for every rejection I experience. I mean, who has time for that? I'm always highly doubtful, when some other motivational person gives you like, "These are my simple 37 step morning routines." I just think there's no way you're doing that every morning. 37 steps? It's too many. I just don't believe that. I don't think that's realistic. So let me just say that I'm going to give you a list of seven. And I think you're going to hear some of them and go, "Oh, that one works for me" or "Ugh, that one doesn't work for me." But just know that when I get rejected, I don't sit down with like a list and a chart and I go, "Let me work through my steps." I go,"Ah, you know what, this way really helps in this type of rejection" or "This rejection is big enough that I'm going to do three of these things or four these things." But I'm not telling you, hey, every time you get rejected, go through this entire list. You're very busy. We're all very busy. But I think that there are seven things you can do when you experience rejection that will help you get over it a lot faster, that will help you learn from it, and will help take the sting out of it, if you will. So let's talk about the seven things. I'm gonna start with the best. You know, I think there's a lot of podcasts where they bury the lede. Where they, you have to listen to the whole episode to get the absolutely best part of it. That's not what's happening today. Today, I'm going to come right out of the gate with what I think is the best way to deal with rejection. You ready? Number one, share it quickly, before it becomes a secret. Let me say it again, because I talk very fast, share it quickly before it becomes a secret. You have to tell someone else what happened or it will morph from an event you experience, you know, an experience you experience rejection, or more from an event, to a secret, to a part of your identity. That's the path rejection goes. It was an event, but then it becomes a secret if you don't tell anybody and then it can become a part of your identity. And it's not easy to do this. It's not. But sharing a rejection with a friend, defangs and declaws the hurt. Now for me, depending on the size of the rejection, or the type of the rejection, I either process it with a friend, or maybe even my counselor. So I've got a series of friends, a collection of friends, that I meet with every week. So on Monday mornings I have a group of entrepreneurs that I meet with, it's virtual. They're from all over the country. And if I had some sort of rejection that was related to running my business, I might share it with them. I might go,"Hey, you know, here's something I'm working on. You guys understand it, we're all kind of in the same space." I go on morning runs with a friend named Ruben. He's my neighbor. We might talk about it. I walked every week with my buddy named Ben, I've mentioned him before on the podcast. I might share it with Ben. I hang out with a buddy named Al Andrews. I run with some guys named Rob and Justin and Kevin. So I've got a group of people that I can share things with. And I've got guys in my neighborhood, that we have coffee, you know, Friday morning. So I have a group of people I can share it with. And I think you need to do that. I think the temptation is to hide it. The temptation is to not admit it hurt. The temptation is to kind of push it down. But I think when you do that you run the risk of it, again, becoming secret, and even getting reall sticky to where it becomes par of your identity. So the firs thing I think that you should d is share it quickly before i becomes a secret. The second way I think you can deal with rejection is I think you can check it for a lesson. I think it's a valuable thing to say, "Okay, is there something I would do differently next time? Did I experience this rejection because of something I did? Was I not prepared for a situation and I felt rejected? You know, like, there was a meeting where I was presented an idea and it didn't go well. And the client didn't approve it and was not prepared? Did I have the wrong information? Did I really give it my all?" I think you can check it for a lesson. Sometimes there is a lesson there. Sometimes it was just not about you at all. Sometimes you got rejected because somebody else is going through something weird or terrible and you were just in the path of their weird and terrible. It has nothing to do with you. But sometimes, there is a lesson. So I'll give you an example from my own life. I recently got rejected from being on a podcast. So there was a podcast I wanted to be on and he host didn't want to have me n it. And that was a rejection. ot a big one. Not massive, but t was still rejection. And so I ind of thought, "Okay, why did that happen?" You know, is ther The third way I think you can deal with rejection, is to laugh The seventh final way to deal with rejection. I think it's Alright, that's all for this week. Thank you for all the about it. I think you need to laugh about your rejection. I something between me and tha person that would make them no think it can be really healthy to make fun of the rejection. I want to have me on thei podcast? And I thought and th really fun to look up your favorite thing and then read the have a group of friends that if something goes wrong, I was in truth is, there was. I be ieve there was. I remembered th one star reviews. Look up your favorite thing on Amazon and this mastermind with a group of friends a couple years ago, if t probably two years ago, I ha disagreed with one of this pe read the one star reviews. And it could be a book. It could be something goes wrong, we'll screenshot it if there's a son's ideas. And I had texted a utual friend and said, "I r your favorite sunglasses. It could be your favorite watch. It rejection and share it and laugh about the situation. And I think could be your favorite speaker or headphones or anything. Just ally don't like this idea." ere's why and dah, dah, dah. A that's really healthy. I think it really kind of removes the look up something that you would say "I love this. This thing is d let me say the right word f r that. That was gossip. That w sting of the rejection, when you're able to go "Wait a amazing." I did that the other day, I looked up one of my second, that's ridiculous. Like, that is the dumbest thing." And s petty. That was me probably b ing jealous of this person. A favorite books, like top 10 favorite books. And here's one we can laugh about it. And I'll give you an example from my own d, you know, being petty and g ssiping. And that's not who I w of the one star reviews. The title was "Couldn't even get to life. I had somebody write a review of one of my books. They nt to be. And so in this m ment, I thought, "Oh, this were important. They were kind of famous. They were like, a big the second chapter." Whew, this guy not happy about this book. erson has a legitimate reason o not have me on their podcast, kind of known person. And they described one of my books as a He said "It's a boring and lengthy book. Simply stretched." ike I was a petty jerk." There's a lesson there. That's a pamphlet. And that is, like, the biggest punch in the stomach to Sounds a little bit like a pamphlet. "Doesn't keep you legitimate lesson. It's not a fun one. I'm not excited to The fourth way that I think you can deal with rejection is to an author. That is, the last thing you want to hear is that engaged. If the reader has to open the dictionary 50 times in share that. But it's true. And so in that situation, that somebody says "Oh, they spent two years writing this thing. a single paragraph, then it's certainly boring and not And it's ultimately, it's like a pamphlet." Like a body blow. And particular rejection, I could easily go, "Oh, yeah, the reaso captivating." Can you guess what book that person was talking I don't know if I've shared that story before. But that was super about? I mean, okay, so what do we know about it? We know that that happened was me. Ah, yeah I'm the one that caused that. challenging. My first response to that wasn't like, "Yay, okay, it's okay, it's really long. It's super boring. The words are I'm learning!" Like, it wasn't my response at all. But'm the one that did that." And that was helpful. That was hel complicated and difficult. This person couldn't even make it to eventually, as I shared it with my wife, as I shared it with ful for me to learn that les on and to say, okay, I don't wan the second chapter. I mean, what book could they possibly be to be the type of person tha experiences rejection like tha friends, I was able to laugh about it. I've even shared it talking about? Well, the book in question is The Great Gatsby,, which means I don't want to e the type of person that gos with a group of people that I do coaching with. I do group ips. I don't want to be pet y. I want to deal with wha considered one of America's greatest novels ever. Also, a coaching, and we joke about it. But now what's funny is my wife, ever jealousy I've got going on ith other people. So how do I d short book. Like no one describes Great Gatsby as long Jenny will say sometimes, you know, just out of the blue, that? There was a tweet tha I saw that I absolutely lov she'll say, "You know Jon, you're my favorite pamphlet it's only 47,094 words. I had o look that up. I didn't coun writer. I just, you write the best pamphlets," and we laugh d from a guy named Gerald in Rev rse. And the tweet this is the them individually. That's not long book. Brothers Karamazov, about it. I think that there can be something really powerful whole tweet, he said, "Well, we l, well, if it isn't the co is that how you say it? I don't now if that's how you say it. sequences of my own actions." A d that was hilarious to me b That book is 364,000 words. Grea Gatsby is a short book, but th about learning to eventually laugh about the rejection. cause it's so true. The longer I spend blaming other people fo s person was like, "Oh, just the long, it's so boring." I don't write it out. I think it's helpful to write it out. Now, all my problems, the less ti e I have to actually fix th sometimes, I think writers give you advice to write and that's ven think it's that complicate. The language is pretty acc m. And so in this particular si uation, when I dealt with the re reviews you've been leaving. They're really encouraging me. intimidating. My wife Jenny said that to me once. We were doing ssible. People don't read Great atsby and go, "I had no idea w ection, I realized, "Oh, yeah, t ere's a lesson. And I can l live together on Facebook and she was like, "When writers who at was going on. It was very com licated. The words were a mes arn from that, and I can c ange and I can grow." are naturally engaged in writing go 'just write 1000 words about." Like, again, that was one per on's opinion. So I think whatever,' that's intimidating. If you're not a writer, it be it's a great reminder to rem mber that you might love som like if somebody said, you know,'just sew a blanket' or 'just do thing that somebody else ejects. And that's okay, rejecti your taxes' or 'just, if you're struggling, like if you're n happens. feeling stressed out, change the oil in your car.'" I couldn't do that. I don't know. Maybe you can. Like maybe right now you're changing the oil in your car, like, "This guy doesn't even know how to do stuff with carburetors." I don't, dude. I really don't. So when I say"write it out," don't hear me say, "write a novel, write a chapter." It can be two sentences. It can be three sentences. It doesn't matter. Here's the point. Paper shrinks fear. Let me say that again. Because it was sexy. Paper shrinks fear. When you've got rejection in your head, when you're dealing with it, it can feel big and massive and kind of just like shapeless and huge. And then when you put it on a piece of paper, it loses its size, you start to see "Oh, wait a second that, that wasn't so bad. Oh, wait a second, that wasn't so big. Oh, wait a second, when I took it out of my imagination, and I put it onto paper, he got a little bit smaller." So I think something that's super helpful is to write it out. When you get rejected, when you experience a rejection, write it out. One sentence two sentences. Now if you're a writer, and you're like, "Man, I'm gonna do a whole page." Awesome. Do a whole page, write the amount that fits you, but put it on a piece of paper. The fifth way I think you can deal with rejection is assume it's not personal. Assume it's not personal. What did we start with at the beginning of this podcast? I said that I handle rejection poorly and personally. I'm trying to not take it personally. One of the soundtracks that I use for my life with people is assume they're busy too. Assume they're If you've got 90 seconds and are feeling a bit generous, please busy. Why when I text somebody, and they don't text me back, I assume it's because they're mad, I assume it's because they're furious, or they're unhappy with me, or maybe I said something? Like I tell this elaborate story about that, which is a form of overthinking by the way. Have you ever done that? Have you ever texted somebody and they didn't respond and then you tell this elaborate story, or even worse, they give you like the three bubbles? And you're like,"What are they gonna say, what were the blah, blah," and then they don't send a text like, and you tell this elaborate story. What if instead, you could just assume they're busy? Because when somebody texts me and I don't respond, sometimes it's just because I was at the pool, the neighborhood pool, and I saw it, and I opened it, and then I forgot it existed. I have two text speeds in general, right away, instantly, or never. Those are the two speeds I have right away, instantly or never, ever, ever. And I wrote about this once, this kind of funny way I think about texting. I tweeted,"Is there an emoji for I saw your text, but didn't know how to perfectly respond to it, so I waited until I knew exactly what to say. But it's been three weeks now. So I just feel microburst of shame every time I see your name in the elephant graveyard of messages on my phone. Is there an emoji for that? Would you like that emoji? I know I would." Because sometimes that's what happens. I don't know how to perfectly respond. So I go, "Whew, I don't know. Like, I don't know what to say." So then I just sit on it and sit on it and sit on it. Every time I open my phone, I see your name. And I feel terrible, but I just sit on it and sit on it and sit on it until eventually, like, I just never, ever respond. So what if you could assume it's not personal? Maybe the person rejected you, because they're just busy, like they didn't really even reject you. They just didn't respond to your text. Or maybe they're going through something on their own that again, has nothing to do with you. Assume it's not personal. The sixth way, I think you can deal with rejection is see it as the ticket price. See it as the ticket price to awesome. No one leave one and make sure you subscribe or follow or whatever really criticized me. No one really criticized me when I wasn't writing books. They didn't. Most people didn't know I existed. It wasn't until I started to put stuff out into the world. Until I started to write books, or write blogs, or tweet more, or create stuff or launch stuff that then I was exposed to more criticism. Nobody wrote Amazon reviews about my life. You know, nobody was like, "Hey, I just want to you know, there's this guy, Jon, I met. He works at Auto Trader. I want to kind of review who he is publicly in a public forum to give him some feedback." Nobody did that. It wasn't until I started to do something that I actually got criticized. So what if you were able to see "Okay for me to play at the level I want to play for me to share the things I want to share? For me to launch the things I wanted launch, one of the ticket prices is there's going to be some rejection. There's going to be some criticism that comes with that. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to do the thing." I would take every bit of rejection, to continue writing books, like every bit of rejection, to continue putting ideas out into the world. Like I would pay that price. I'd pay that price over and over and over again. I would do it and so should you. And here's the other thing. There's something interesting when you try to change your life. Your pursuit of your dream is often seen as a direct insult to people who are terrified of their own. I mean, let me say that again, because I like to be repetitive. Your pursuit of your dreams is often seen as a direct insult to people who are terrified of their own. If I feel stuck, and you start to get unstuck, that feels like "Wait a second, why are they able to do it and I'm not? Am I not being brave?" And some people take that personally. And they misinterpret that you're just trying to change your life for it is the kids are saying these days so that you don't miss the you. That has nothing, like you're not trying to change your life to show that other person that they're inadequate, or they're not enough, but sometimes people feel that way and they interpret that. So see it as a ticket price. If you decide, "Okay, I'm going to have a goal," because that's what this podcast is all about. Maybe say, "You know what, I'm going to get in shape, like I'm going to get in shape." You're gonna be surprised, I promise you, that some of your friends won't be supportive. And they won't be supportive because they feel like you're getting in shape you change in your life is somehow about them. And it's really not. But you'd still pay that as a ticket price. Getting in shape is worth a little bit of rejection. Writing a book is worth a little bit of rejection. Starting a business is worth a little bit of rejection, pay that ticket price. next episode. I'll see you next week. And remember, all it takes is a goal. This episode of the podcast was brought to you by Medi-Share. Text JON, J-O-N to 474747 for more information. Huge thank you to Medi-Share for sponsoring it. J-O-N to 474747.
Producer:Thanks for listening. To learn more about the All It Takes Is A Goal podcast and to get access to today's show notes, transcript, and exclusive content from Jon Acuff, visit Acuff.me/podcast. Thanks again for joining us. Be sure to tune in next week for another episode of the All It Takes Is A Goal podcast.